Wow, the mood swings are killing me.

So...yeah, the mood swings are killing me, and I can't blame it on PMS, unless you want to change 'pre' to 'post,' and yes, you're welcome for the TMI. Not that I really think it could be classified that way, but different strokes.

ANYway...

I really have been dealing with some weird mood swings. Things suck, then they're great, then they suck again--and really, it's the 'suck' part that takes hold and has trouble letting go. Then again, with as much time as I spend at work, I suppose it's no big surprise...not only that, but this wonky schedule really screws me up. I seem to recall that I was feeling much the same way last year, as well, even though I've sort of glossed over that bit in my mind somehow.

Strange for me this year is that I have absolutely no holiday spirit whatsoever. I think part of that may rest with the fact that, until today, I had pretty much no money to buy gifts--and even now, I'm having to be really selective about what I give and to whom, so if you don't get anything from me this year, it doesn't mean that I hate you or anything like that, I just...

Bah. I hate the feeling of obligation that this season can often carries with it. Most people I know would be quick to tell me that they don't need gifts, and they've probably just nodded their heads at that statement--that I don't need to get them anything, and that's true, I don't. But that doesn't stop the fact that I somehow feel obligated.

On a not-really-related subject, it has been really freaking cold in this office for the past few weeks. Colder than normal, for those of you who know how much my officemate and I have bitched about the temperature--I mean, when one space heater is required in the office during the middle of summer, and *two* are required in colder months, something is not right. And today, though my car said 40 degrees outside on the way in, the freaking AC is on. How can I tell? Because it's BLOWING RIGHT ON MY HEAD. Blowing hard enough to ruffle the peacock feathers on the pretty butterfly magnet thing that I bought at Faire a couple of years ago which is now stuck to my white board. Making me wear a scarf and a blanket and gloves while I type and try to work and turning my face all kinds of pink from the cold so it looks like Santa Claus is *not* going to engender holiday spirit in me, bitches, so turn the fucking heat on, please.

Ahem. See what I mean about mood swings?

But I got my bonus today, which means that all the holiday presents that I feel comfortable giving are purchased, save for the card that I need to buy so that I can send my brother some money. I'd planned on giving him the two Katamari Damacy games, but...as much as I think he might enjoy them, he might also think that they're stupid, and I'd really rather give him something that I know he'll like/be able to use/whatever instead of something that he'll look at with that skeptical, one eyebrow raised in 'WTF' mode expression that he does so well.

I also have *no* idea what to do for my mom. I am only inspired for one great gift per year, I guess, and this year, it's her husband who's the recipient of said gift. She gave me a couple of ideas, but...in this case, I'm a victim of my own expectations, because I know my mom would be happy with a sweet card and a gift certificate, but I want to find something perfect, and...sigh. It makes me sad that I can't think of something good.

There's also this weird sense of obligation over having to *be* in a holiday mood, and since I can't, that also makes me feel weirdly guilty. But with no tree, and having to work straight through the holiday for....what, the third year in a row now, while other people go on vacation and while the people I love have time off--enforced or no--the thought is just really depressing. Sadly, it's such a habit by now that if I decide to take *next* year off, that'd probably earn trouble.

On the up side of said mood swings, the gifts that I *have* purchased will be pretty well received, I think, and that makes me happy. I know that Mom's husband's gift hit the big jackpot, too. There are also other things that are going pretty well, things I don't necessarily want to talk about here, especially not considering that I've already babbled enough for today.

But...yeah. The mood swings are killing me. Not fun at all.